I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.
But the early bird still has to eat worms.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.
Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"
Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.