Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Toilet stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...