I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Having someone dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it"
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again!
My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
'Work fascinates me', I can look at it for hours.