Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learner's permit.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get suckered into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.