A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."

I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

Genetic scientists in the US have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone and have called it ... Michael Wasanigger.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Makes sense)

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.