Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
A bachelor is a man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Statistics tell us that married men are likely to live 3 years longer than single men. But psychology tells us that married men are more willing to die.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.