Some mornings I wake up grumpy, other mornings I just let her sleep!
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
An erection does not constitute personal growth
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, But also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Having someone dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it"
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Ever notice how at the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?