How hungry was the first person who opened an oyster and STILL ate it?
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten?
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...