If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll teach him.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!
If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Some people are like Slinkies. . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?