Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
Have you ever considered how evil a chicken omelette is? They kill the chicken, chop it up and cook it inside their own babies... Too bad it\'s delicious.
All generalizations are false, including this one.