Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
See, the problem is that God gives man a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
If women DON'T fool around, and men DO fool around, who are the men fooling around with?
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I'm not weird... weird is Chinese slippers and break-dance pants!
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?