INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

The greatest enemy of man is alcohol, but the bible tells us to love thy enemy...... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

Life isn't like a box of chocolates... it's more like an order of Indian food. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."

'Hard work never killed anybody', but why take the risk...