When something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate, when something bad happens, you drink in order to forget, and when nothing happens, you drink in order to make something happen!
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, I could be eating a slow learner.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming----wow----what a ride!!
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
'Work fascinates me', I can look at it for hours.