- Turn signals will give away your next move – a real Johannesburg driver never uses them.
- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
- Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”
- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
- Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn’t have anything to lose.
- Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch legs.
- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
- Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Johannesburg.
- Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
- Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially BMW and 4WD drivers.
- Learn to swerve abruptly. Johannesburg is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the Department of Roadworks, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Archive for February, 2009
Other Text Jokes
-
Text Jokes - Animals
(187)
Written jokes about animals, pets, nature, bugs. Despite our best efforts we can't get PETA to sponsor this category. -
Text Jokes - Bar & Alcohol
(129)
Written jokes about drunks and bars. A horse walked into a bar - the barman asked why the long face... you get the idea. -
Text Jokes - Blonde
(74)
All humour websites are required to have written jokes about blondes. We're trying a different approach by portraying blondes in a positive light. -
Text Jokes - Computers
(93)
Written jokes about IT, the office, computers and the people that operate them. -
Text Jokes - Kids
(155)
Written jokes about kids, for kids (parental supervision required). Other peoples kids are always so cute where as it always seems your own kids crawled out of Satan's bottom. -
Text Jokes - Lawyers
(16)
Written jokes about lawyers, normally portraying them in a negative light. -
Text Jokes - Male & Female
(836)
Written jokes about man and woman. Who will win? Our last count saw women leading 2 to 1. -
Text Jokes - Medical & Doctors
(86)
Written antics about doctors, nurses and general failings of the healthcare system. -
Text Jokes - News & Politics
(173)
Written jokes targeting politicians and people in the news. -
Text Jokes - Random
(324)
Written jokes that we were too lazy to categorise. This category pretty much covers everything. -
Text Jokes - Religion
(123)
Written jokes not suitable for religious fanatics. We do not discriminate - we make fun of everyone. -
Text Jokes - Sports
(90)
Written antics about sports and the people that play them. -
Text Jokes - Stupid People
(29)
Text jokes about stupid people. This category is full of darwin awards and "I can't beliive he did that!"