
FAILURE: Sometimes you just don't have an excuse
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.
Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

FAILURE: Sometimes you just don't have an excuse