All Text Jokes

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the prince now dead, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, ‘Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years’?

The Fairy Godmother replied, ‘Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?’

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish,

‘The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.’
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, ‘Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother..’

A dyslexic tourist came to South Africa to blow a Zulu Fella…

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students

Teacher: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite.”

Teacher: “What about you Peter, how you would say it?”

Peter: “I truly am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.”

Teacher: “And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brains for once and show us your good manners?”

Little Johnny: “Darling, may I please be excused for a brief moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I am hoping you will get to meet after dinner.”

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .
Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman:” Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp….”

Doctor:”I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle”.

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:” Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor:” you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!”

The teacher told Nuno to use the following words in a sentence.

1. *Cheese*

Nuno replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. *Mushroom*

When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

3. *Shoulder*

My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.

4. * Texas *

My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!

5. *Herpes*

Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. *July*

Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. *Rectum*

I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. *Chicken*

I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9. *Wheelchair*