The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.
When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
“Get this.” said the bloke to his mates, “Last night while I
was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
“Did he get anything.” his mates asked.
“Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken
nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”
