Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake an orgasm. Big deal , try faking a relationship just for a giggle!

  • Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

  • Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

  • There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing; just show me somebody naked.'

  • When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

  • Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

  • If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll teach him.

  • Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

  • There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.



Archive for the ‘Text Jokes – Male & Female’ Category

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

 

He  declines.  “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now.  It’s this Viagra,” he says.  “It’s really taken the edge off my  appetite.”

 

At lunchtime, she asked him if he  would like something.  “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”

 

He declines. “The Viagra,” he says,  “It’s really spoiled my need for food.”

 

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.   “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie?  Or maybe a  rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”

 

He  declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra.  I’m still not hungry.”

 

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me?   I’m bloody  starving.”

Other Text Jokes

  • Text Jokes - Animals

    (187)
    Written jokes about animals, pets, nature, bugs. Despite our best efforts we can't get PETA to sponsor this category.
  • Text Jokes - Bar & Alcohol

    (129)
    Written jokes about drunks and bars. A horse walked into a bar - the barman asked why the long face... you get the idea.
  • Text Jokes - Blonde

    (74)
    All humour websites are required to have written jokes about blondes. We're trying a different approach by portraying blondes in a positive light.
  • Text Jokes - Computers

    (93)
    Written jokes about IT, the office, computers and the people that operate them.
  • Text Jokes - Kids

    (155)
    Written jokes about kids, for kids (parental supervision required). Other peoples kids are always so cute where as it always seems your own kids crawled out of Satan's bottom.
  • Text Jokes - Lawyers

    (16)
    Written jokes about lawyers, normally portraying them in a negative light.
  • Text Jokes - Male & Female

    (836)
    Written jokes about man and woman. Who will win? Our last count saw women leading 2 to 1.
  • Text Jokes - Medical & Doctors

    (86)
    Written antics about doctors, nurses and general failings of the healthcare system.
  • Text Jokes - News & Politics

    (173)
    Written jokes targeting politicians and people in the news.
  • Text Jokes - Random

    (324)
    Written jokes that we were too lazy to categorise. This category pretty much covers everything.
  • Text Jokes - Religion

    (123)
    Written jokes not suitable for religious fanatics. We do not discriminate - we make fun of everyone.
  • Text Jokes - Sports

    (90)
    Written antics about sports and the people that play them.
  • Text Jokes - Stupid People

    (29)
    Text jokes about stupid people. This category is full of darwin awards and "I can't beliive he did that!"