Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • If all the veins in your body were laid end-to-end, you'd be dead.

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  • Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

  • When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

  • Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake an orgasm. Big deal , try faking a relationship just for a giggle!

  • There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

  • Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

  • 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot

  • I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

  • When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?



Archive for the ‘All Text Jokes’ Category

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

 

He  declines.  “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now.  It’s this Viagra,” he says.  “It’s really taken the edge off my  appetite.”

 

At lunchtime, she asked him if he  would like something.  “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”

 

He declines. “The Viagra,” he says,  “It’s really spoiled my need for food.”

 

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.   “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie?  Or maybe a  rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”

 

He  declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra.  I’m still not hungry.”

 

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me?   I’m bloody  starving.”

Other Text Jokes

  • Text Jokes - Animals

    (187)
    Written jokes about animals, pets, nature, bugs. Despite our best efforts we can't get PETA to sponsor this category.
  • Text Jokes - Bar & Alcohol

    (129)
    Written jokes about drunks and bars. A horse walked into a bar - the barman asked why the long face... you get the idea.
  • Text Jokes - Blonde

    (74)
    All humour websites are required to have written jokes about blondes. We're trying a different approach by portraying blondes in a positive light.
  • Text Jokes - Computers

    (93)
    Written jokes about IT, the office, computers and the people that operate them.
  • Text Jokes - Kids

    (155)
    Written jokes about kids, for kids (parental supervision required). Other peoples kids are always so cute where as it always seems your own kids crawled out of Satan's bottom.
  • Text Jokes - Lawyers

    (16)
    Written jokes about lawyers, normally portraying them in a negative light.
  • Text Jokes - Male & Female

    (836)
    Written jokes about man and woman. Who will win? Our last count saw women leading 2 to 1.
  • Text Jokes - Medical & Doctors

    (86)
    Written antics about doctors, nurses and general failings of the healthcare system.
  • Text Jokes - News & Politics

    (173)
    Written jokes targeting politicians and people in the news.
  • Text Jokes - Random

    (324)
    Written jokes that we were too lazy to categorise. This category pretty much covers everything.
  • Text Jokes - Religion

    (123)
    Written jokes not suitable for religious fanatics. We do not discriminate - we make fun of everyone.
  • Text Jokes - Sports

    (90)
    Written antics about sports and the people that play them.
  • Text Jokes - Stupid People

    (29)
    Text jokes about stupid people. This category is full of darwin awards and "I can't beliive he did that!"