Text Jokes – Kids

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher

was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the

group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at

it when you are all grown up and say:

“There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,” or “That’s Michael.

He’s a doctor.”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s

the teacher……….She’s dead”.

Mary can’t stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn’t have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, “The hell with it,” and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.

“Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?”

William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, “God almighty!”

And the teacher says, “Yes. That’s correct, Mary.”

Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.

“Who died on the cross for our sins?”

William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, “Jesus Christ!”

Once again, she goes back to sleep. This time the teacher asks, “Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”

William pokes her again. Mary wakes up and shouts, “If you don’t stop poking me with that thing, I’m gonna break it off!”

Little Victoria was in the garden filling in a hole when her

neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the she was

doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there Victoria?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Victoria tearfully “and I’ve just buried

him.”

The neighbour was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a

goldfish isn’t it?”

Victoria patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s

because he’s inside your fucking cat!

Real Science As Seen By Students

This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science

and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college

students: “It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars

can create under the pressures of time and grades.”

The spellings are the original ones. (Transmitted by Professor Pill-Soon Song,

a KASTN editor, from a chemistry net group called SAFETY@uvmvm.uvm.edu, dated

1/13/96)

1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.

Hydrogin is water and gin.

5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.

7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won

first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science

Fair on January 26. He was attempting to show

how conditioned we have become to the

alarmists practicing junk science and spreading

fear of everything in our environment.

In his project he urged people to sign a petition

demanding strict control or total elimination of

the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” And for

plenty of good reasons, since it can:

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting

2. it is a major component in acid rain

3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state

4. accidental inhalation can kill you

5. it contributes to erosion

6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes

7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer

patients

He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of

the chemical.

One hundred forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only

one knew that the chemical was , , , ,

Water! The title of his prize winning project was,

“How Gullible Are We?”

We the conclusion is obvious.