Text Jokes - News & Politics

Sometime later this year, [the US] Taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. The Obama Administration is very excited about this new program. Let me try to explain to you how it works using a simple Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this  payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

A 4-year-old boy has memorised virtually every bus service in the capital. 

Ishaal Yewale can tell you which bus route to take, day or night. 

His father, Jayant, says that Ishaal’s always been fascinated with public transport and has been reading bus maps for the past eight months.

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Is anyone else suspicious of this or am I just paranoid?

4 December 1996, Indiana) A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check
the barrel of a muzzleloader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged
in his face, sheriff’s investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his
parents’ rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson & Alex Ferguson?
A: Alex Ferguson will be playing Giggs in July.

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Michael Jackson wants to be buried at sea, preferably attached to 2 buoys.

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McDonalds are commemorating Michael Jackson with the McJacko, a piece of
50-year-old albino meat between two 8 year old buns.

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Michael Jackson pronounced dead, wife Madeline McCann-Jackson said to be
distressed.

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“Michael are you ok, are you ok, Are you ok Michael? Michael are you ok, are
you ok, Are you ok Michael? You’ve been hit by…. You’ve been struck by….
A smooth myocardial infarction.”

Michael Jackson died of a heart attack this morning after he discovered that
Boyz II Men was a band, not a delivery service.

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Reports suggest that his heart attack was brought on by him choking on a
small bone.

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Actually - it wasn’t a heart attack. Apparently it was food poisoning (he
had some 12-year-old nuts.)

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Michael Jackson did manage to whisper a brief message 2 paramedics on the
way to the hospital… “Put me in the children’s ward.”

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It was touch-and-go at the hospital last night. Then they moved Jacko away
from the children’s ward.

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