To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.
People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Makes sense)
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.
The Pope and Kim Jong-Il are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Kim and says, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”
Kim replied, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me.”
So the Pope bitch slapped him upside the head!
