Text Jokes – News & Politics

“Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya,

China, and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as

Evil,” which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North

Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as

having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are Just as Evil…

in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody

knows we”re the best evils… best at being evil… we”re the best.”

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although

they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

“They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

“An Axis can”t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi President

Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule, it”s tradition. In World War II you

had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three.

And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool.”

THE AXIS PANDEMIC International reaction to Bush”s Axis of Evil declaration

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window

seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney

got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in

when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I”ll get up and get a

coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I”ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney”s shoe and

spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good,

I think I”ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the

other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney

returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was

landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately

what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a

Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let”s

begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or

give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had

his hand up.

“Patrick Henry, 1775.” He said.

“Very good! Who said ”Government of the people, by the people, for the

people, shall not perish from the earth””? Again, no response except from

Suzuki:

“Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Suzuki

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,

who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Japs.”

“Who said that?” she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I”m gonna puke.”

The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

This is weird, to say the least!

Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with

a “0″ at the end. Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years.

1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)

1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)

1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)

1900: William McKinley (assassinated)

1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)

1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (dies in office)

1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)

1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)

2000: George W. Bush ????????????

And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts

to be the one elected in 2000.

You might also be interested in this.

Have a history teacher explain this – if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congres! s in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife jumped up an said: ‘Your Honour. I brought the child into the world

with pain an labour. She should be in my custody.

The Judge turns to the husband and says: ‘What do you have to say in your

defence? The man sat for a while contemplating..then slowly rose.

‘Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine’s or mine?