Text Jokes - Sports

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide
between the wood or the iron.

We heard that Tiger’s wife has been interested in taking up golf.
However, 2:30am does sound a bit of an odd time to start hitting your
Woods.

Ping just offered Elin Nordegren an endorsement contract pushing her own
set of drivers. They are marketing them as “clubs you can beat Tiger
with.”

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger
Woods’ crash. They are calling it, “Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger.”

EA Sports has announced the recall of Tiger Woods 2010 so a new bonus
level can be added called “Tiger VS The Driveway”. A collector’s edition
will be sold with a free Wii steering wheel.

What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They’re both
clubbed by Scandinavians.

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs), to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their clothes.

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says ‘Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession.

Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years..

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife’s eyes and says,   ‘My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?’

She says ‘I don’t think you understand, my name was Tom and I played rugby for Wales …

There are two blondes playing golf. One tees off and hits a man as he’s walking to the next hole. He immediately clasps his hands over his crotch and falls to his knees in pain.

The two blondes run over and ask him if he is all right. He says that he is fine, but the blondes insist on helping him. They unzip his pants and begin to massage his crotch.

After a while one blonde asks if it feels better, and he says, “That felt good, but my hand still hurts like crazy!”

After beating 1000 rivals in a 500-mile race, Percy the racing pigeon flopped down exhausted in a Sheffield loft and was promptly eaten by a cat.

In preparation for the 1992 New York Golden Gloves Championships, boxer Daniel Caruso psyched himself up by pounding his gloves into his face. In doing so, he broke his nose and was disqualified from the match.

While waving to the crowd after finishing fourth in the 500cc US Motor Cycle Championship in 1989, Kevin Magee fell off the machine and broke his leg.

Russian athlete Ivanon Vyacheslav was so thrilled to win a medal at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics that he threw the medal high into the air. It landed in Lake Wendouree, and was never found.