The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.

No woman will ever be satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that shoots out money.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them. Personally, I think that if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.

Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.