It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Doing the job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.