You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.

I had a blind date last night. Her name was :. .:: :.: .:. .::.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, I could be eating a slow learner.

I just new I was in big trouble at work when the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.