Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Build a fire for a man, and keep him warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

See, the problem is that God gives man a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn.