Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, But also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?