Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

If all the veins in your body were laid end-to-end, you'd be dead.

This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been doing since 15

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.