Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.