An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

I have the body of a god ... Buddha.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.

Beer - helping white people dance since 1837.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.