Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all people who opposed them.

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

Men: On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........

I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.