Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

A bachelor is a man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.