What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
How come when you first pull the drapery cord the drapes always move the wrong way?
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.