Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get suckered into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house!
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"