Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake an orgasm. Big deal , try faking a relationship just for a giggle!
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.