A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?