My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.
'Hard work never killed anybody', but why take the risk...
A penny saved is a government oversight.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
When something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate, when something bad happens, you drink in order to forget, and when nothing happens, you drink in order to make something happen!
I'm not weird... weird is Chinese slippers and break-dance pants!