When something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate, when something bad happens, you drink in order to forget, and when nothing happens, you drink in order to make something happen!
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
Life isn't like a box of chocolates... it's more like an order of Indian food. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.