Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Turtles can breathe through their butts. - heh heh heh

This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

I had a blind date last night. Her name was :. .:: :.: .:. .::.