I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other: "I'll man the guns, you drive."

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.

The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming----wow----what a ride!!

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the pants.

Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.

The greatest enemy of man is alcohol, but the bible tells us to love thy enemy...... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!