Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?

Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.

When kleptomania gets really bad, just take something for it.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

But the early bird still has to eat worms.