Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake an orgasm. Big deal , try faking a relationship just for a giggle!

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

I was at a restaurant yesterday. I asked the waiter for the black pepper, and he gave me the Sowetan.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Why is it that banks always make it sound like you are so lucky that they have extended your credit limit? I mean it's not like I won a prize, but more like extra bullets for my gun in a game of Russian Rolette...

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.