I had amnesia once -- or twice.

Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ...