There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Why isn't there a special name for the back of your knee?

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.