Cat: The Other White Meat

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.