If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a kid a fish, it's gonna die. Have a story ready.
And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.