Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

  • I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

  • Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  • I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  • The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

  • They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen it and die."

  • If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

  • If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

  • People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard.

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