Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a kid a fish, it's gonna die. Have a story ready.
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Boldly Going Nowhere
Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?