I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
There's an inverse proportion between your stress quantity and your boss' hours in the office.
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
Why do women never say what they want or mean because they always expect men to innately know what they are thinking? Do they think men are psychic?
Men: On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'
I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!