Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming----wow----what a ride!!
The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
A flat will occur when you are without a spare. This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one. He/She will be in the car.
My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses...He drinks straight out of the bottle.
I'm not weird... weird is Chinese slippers and break-dance pants!
Marriage is an institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.