Remember, half the people you know are below average.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
Fine day for a good workout. Let's steal something heavy.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?