Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Beer - helping white people dance since 1837.
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.