I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.