You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My goodness, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ...... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!

I am the same today as I was tomorrow.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.