Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Red meat is not bad for you, but fuzzy green meat is.

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now!

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?