Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other: "I'll man the guns, you drive."

The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.

Doing the job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.