I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere!

My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.

In the '60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Woman are like Prawns. Their heads are full of shit, but their pink parts are quite awesome.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

The greatest enemy of man is alcohol, but the bible tells us to love thy enemy...... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

See, the problem is that God gives man a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.