I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

How hungry was the first person who opened an oyster and STILL ate it?

'Work fascinates me', I can look at it for hours.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get suckered into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house!

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

If all the veins in your body were laid end-to-end, you'd be dead.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.