I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

The speed of time is one-second per second.

It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!