There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an aeroplane: Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.

Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.