There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an aeroplane: Either you have diarrhoea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day of work..!!!
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreak revenge on the son-of-a-bitch who screwed us in the past.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?