No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions.
Remember "I" before "E", except in Heineken.
An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.