There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
Life isn't like a box of chocolates... it's more like an order of Indian food. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $10.00 at the bowling alley.
I love animals - They taste great!
The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.