A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.
Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake an orgasm. Big deal , try faking a relationship just for a giggle!
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'