Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Women should be obscene and not heard.
"Buffet". A French word that means "Get up & get it yourself!"
Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. But you still don't want to get any on you.
Food has replaced sex in my life .. now I can't even get into my own pants!
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.