Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
Love is grand; divorce is quite a few more grand.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
See, the problem is that God gives man a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?