Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I was at a restaurant yesterday. I asked the waiter for the black pepper, and he gave me the Sowetan.
"Buffet". A French word that means "Get up & get it yourself!"
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
What are the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home.