I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.
I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.