A flat will occur when you are without a spare. This will happen after your significant other has reminded you to get one. He/She will be in the car.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
And Jesus said to John, "Come forth and I will give you eternal life." - John came fifth, so he won a toaster.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?