Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
I date this girl for two years, and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. Unless, of course, they're flying.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
Ham and eggs: Just a day's work for a chicken, but a lifetime commitment for a pig.