My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Men: On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
Woman are like Prawns. Their heads are full of shit, but their pink parts are quite awesome.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.