Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not weird... weird is Chinese slippers and break-dance pants!
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!!
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Genetic scientists in the US have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone and have called it ... Michael Wasanigger.