Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
All power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat, though.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the pants.
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now!
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, But also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.