Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't kill you to wash your hands in between either.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the pants.
I'm a freelance gynaecologist
In the '60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learner's permit.
Genetic scientists in the US have used genes from Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzanegger to create a clone and have called it ... Michael Wasanigger.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.