The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Makes sense)
If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them. Personally, I think that if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.