Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
My wife says I never listen to her...at least I think that's what she said.
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the normally the headlight of the oncoming train.