Cat: The Other White Meat
Men: On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a kid a fish, it's gonna die. Have a story ready.
I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex I woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when I realised I had made it home safely.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'