Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.

  • A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

  • If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

  • I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

  • Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

  • I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

  • My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  • Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.

  • It's better to have Loved and Lost than to live with an asshole the rest of your life!

Door Alarms

Someone startled the door and now it's alarmed