42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
People who cannot make love make money.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
How hungry was the first person who opened an oyster and STILL ate it?
You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
What's another word for thesaurus?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.