Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.
If you have them by their balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
It's a small world. So you've got to use your elbows a lot.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.