People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
Doing the job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family.
Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.
The income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.