You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ...
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
When something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate, when something bad happens, you drink in order to forget, and when nothing happens, you drink in order to make something happen!
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.