Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing; just show me somebody naked.'

  • The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

  • It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

  • I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

  • I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

  • Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

  • I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

  • I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

  • Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

  • If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Family Planning