Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.

  • When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

  • There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

  • In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

  • When kleptomania gets really bad, just take something for it.

  • I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.

  • There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

  • I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

  • If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

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