A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool.

When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

The worst thing about accidents, in the kitchen, is eating them.