Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl-Alt -Delete " and start all over?
Remember "I" before "E", except in Heineken.
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.