Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
"Buffet". A French word that means "Get up & get it yourself!"
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.
When kleptomania gets really bad, just take something for it.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?