Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My goodness, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money.
Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.