A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
He who hesitates is probably right
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.