My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.
Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?