I love animals - They taste great!
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
On quiet nights when I'm alone, I like to run my wedding Video backwards just to watch myself walk out of church a free person!
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just "chunky dunk."
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left!