Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

A smoking section in a restaraunt is like a peeing section in a pool.

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere!

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.