I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again!

Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'

The speed of time is one-second per second.

If Tennis Players get Tennis Elbow...Do gynecologists get Tunnel vision?

What three words will kill a mans ego? 'Is it in?'

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute, if they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.