I just new I was in big trouble at work when the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.

Flashlight: a case for holding dead batteries.

It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

Statistics tell us that married men are likely to live 3 years longer than single men. But psychology tells us that married men are more willing to die.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.