Joke Overflow –  Joke Archive

Random Thoughts

  • I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

  • Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

  • The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

  • Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  • If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

  • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ...... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

  • Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

  • Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.