I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't kill you to wash your hands in between either.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.