If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. Unless, of course, they're flying.
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
When kleptomania gets really bad, just take something for it.
Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.