There's an inverse proportion between your stress quantity and your boss' hours in the office.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreak revenge on the son-of-a-bitch who screwed us in the past.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn.
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Going to war over religion: You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.