If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.

Beer - helping white people dance since 1837.

Always tell the truth. Then you don't have to remember anything.

There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!

The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name...

Finally, my ship came in ... and as expected, it's leaking.

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.