Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

And Jesus said to John, "Come forth and I will give you eternal life." - John came fifth, so he won a toaster.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute, if they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.