Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas.

The difference between the Pope and your boss....The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again!

It's a small world. So you've got to use your elbows a lot.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.