I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings'

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. But you still don't want to get any on you.