I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn

They say a smile is a gift, which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the pants.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.