If women DON'T fool around, and men DO fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as a school child is to call your teacher Mum or Dad.

No one is listening until you fart.

There are two kinds of pedestrians- the quick and the dead.

I have the body of a god ... Buddha.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

If you have them by their balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.