Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.
The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
Smoking helps you lose weight .. one lung at a time!
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.