Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
I'm not weird... weird is Chinese slippers and break-dance pants!
Drinking more than seven nights a week is not just irresponsible, it's impossible.
Doing the job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.