A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
The greatest enemy of man is alcohol, but the bible tells us to love thy enemy...... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses...He drinks straight out of the bottle.
Definition of pressure:.....A wife, a mistress and a mortgage all a month late.
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.