You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My goodness, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends!
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
No one is listening until you fart.