Finally, my ship came in ... and as expected, it's leaking.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
I'm not weird... weird is Chinese slippers and break-dance pants!
Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.